Google doesn’t call it that. Patrick originally didn’t know what I meant. My wife — who has taken formal voice instruction, holy mackerel — had to be reminded. When I say pitch hand I refer to that R&B, oh-so R&B habit of raising your hand when you hit a higher note and lowering it when you hit a lower note. When you riff your hand does the whole up down up down up up down up down up down down up down nonsense. It’s aggravating. It’s like audio braille for deaf people who still want to somehow enjoy music.

I’m sure there’s a technical term for it, but for purposes of this dispatch: pitch hand.

If you still don’t know what pitch hand is, about 22 seconds into this clip a nerdy looking tech support character does it when he sees Mariah Carey, who, not coincidentally, is our first nominee. Sometimes she uses both hands:

(Superwealthy divas whose handlers are too afraid to tell her she needs a focus group, next on Geraldo.)

How about Christina (sorry, “X-tina,” or is it “Christina” again?):

Not nearly as bad, wouldn’t you say? Once I saw Sammy Hagar throw up a single pitch hand in the “When It’s Love” video (skip to 3:18 if you’re keen). Once. I’ve probably thrown up a pitch hand once, and I don’t even sing. So cut the guy a break.

Please add nominees and render the official verdict in the comments.